While I arrived at the biggest party of the year early (not another story in itself... just a bad weekend), Avery decided to pre-game with Shannon. Oh Shannon... But they had the usual amount of pre-game fun and then headed off to Moon-splash. When they got there, the line was mad long, longer than the line for In-N-Out Burger on "Free Burger Day" (fucking urban legends). They tried jumping the fence. I'm not talking about a white picket fence or like a high security barb wire fence, it was just like one of those 2 foot high metal guide rails. Nothing intimidating. Our girl Avery after hopping in and out and in and out of line planted face on the floor. She's got the bad ass bruise to prove it.
Just making sure all of you faithful readers are paying attention. That's one bruise down. One "bruise" to go.
Avery: Brady was fucking thieving mac and cheese from frats. Ultimate jackal.
Brady: Different night. Different story. Get your facts straight bizitch.
Shannon then spots a party across the street. Another good find for Shans: the girl can smell alcohol like my grandmother can smell the fear for her in her Pakistani neighbors. what does that even mean? So Aves and Shans go to the new, smaller, party.
I only know what Avery told me. Except for when I made a brief appearance at this other party after I bounced the other big one. I go in with my friend Nailah and we are appalled. First of all, all of the girls were in wedding dresses (I later found out it was an engagement party for a rugby player) and the floor was covered in sticky beer. Nailah and I turned our heads to the right and who did we see, but our girl Avery! playing beer pong with some rugby man candy who I had not seen before. We said hello something like (Avery: What the fuck Brady? What are you fucking doing here? Brady: Shoot the fucking ball Avery! You're fucking losing! Avery: Fuck you! I'm not losing! Fuck!) She took a shot and missed.
Don't worry concerned reader, she came back to win that game.
obviously.
The rest of the events are unclear to me. I only know these things because Avery vaguely remembers them:
1. Someone dropped beer bottles out of the second story balcony and barely missed Avery. It barely hit the kid next to her. Hahahaha.
2. Rugby player and Avery made out against the wall. (On a scale of 1 to trash-ballin' I give it a 17).
3. Rugby player didn't live in the frat they were at and took poor innocent Aves back to his frat. Poor? no. Innocent? totally.
4. The two chatted into the wee hours of the night about the ramifications of Aeschylus' The Libation Bearers on a post-roman interpretation of Greek culture.
5. Avery got a juicy hickey on her neck.
I maintain that was a golf-ball accident
6. Avery may or may not have gotten a lot more than a hickey that night. There is a distinct possibility that Avery could have potentially under certain circumstances may have maybe boned the fuck out of the rugby player. Hypothetically.
Additional possibility: silky golden sheets. like what?
So Avery stumbled at 5:00 AM as Nick Baldo was on mile 6 of his run. Congratulations Avery. She didn't miss anything at Moon-splash and she had her own unique kind of fun. I hope you enjoyed that readers.
P.S. #4 is false in the events of the night, but nonetheless poignant.
P.P.S. Have you ever noticed that you've never seen a baby pigeon? It's freaky.
utter hearsay.
2 comments:
Fact: Girls cannot bone. Unless said girl has a boner.
Possible Fact: Avery did not have a boner at the time.
Conclusion: Avery did not bone anyone that night. (But she totally got boned)
I am the boner.
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